Woody's Net Gems
This is a collection of miscellany I came across while surfing the net. Unfortunately, since I did not save them with the idea of republishing them I did not keep the original references. My apologies to the originators.
Contents
Special Gems
| Is There a Santa Claus | Gettysburg Address | Declaration of Independence | I Have a Dream | |
| Casey at the Bat |
Diesel Fuel
About a month ago I was passing through Berkeley Springs West Virginia (the theme from "Deliverance" is their town song). Anyway, I stopped at a Sheetz to get gas. Well, I can say in retrospect that I did notice the octane ratings seemed normal on the pump, and I also noticed that I could get a pump while all the rest were completely used up.
I didn't notice the effects of the diesel fuel on my engine until I went to pull away. How refreshing. The cars ability to hesitate had suddenly gone way up. I had the satisfying thought that perhaps Sheetz is now performing a new customer service by putting water in their fuel tanks!
Anyway, it only became really apparent that the cars ability to hesitate was truly amplified when we hit route 70. It was as though my engine had a governor built into it. It simply would not go past 55 any longer. I've always been troubled by my car's "perkiness" anyway, so this was a true delight.
The big delight of the whole trip was on the hill coming up to the Allegheny Mountain Tunnel on the Turnpike. A bright and sunny day. I was pulling into the inside lane to pass a particularly slow truck when low and behold I noticed it. Apparently this alien fuel had enabled my car to make popping sounds and to spew white smoke out the sides and back of the car. It was glorious!
Other things this fuel enabled me to do was to be towed for only the second time in my life, 15 miles, backwards to Bedford, and then 100 miles to Pittsburgh. I positively savored the $240.00 in towing charges, and you know what? West Penn AAA paid $40.00 dollars worth. Honest, those guys.... Now the nice men at the garage in Bedford said that they actually saw metal flakes in my oil filter and that perhaps my car could use a new engine. That diesel stuff really is amazing.
But in Pittsburgh, good 'ol Pittsburgh, my mechanic said, "nope, all you need is a fuel regulator on the injector, flush the engine, change the plugs..." I knew that my guy would know better, although I'm sure the men in Bedford are very well trained in what they do.
Anyway, the truly special moment came when I handed my mechanic the check for $525.00. He didn't know it, but I saw his chest swell, and a tear roll down his cheek when he took the check. He almost seemed giddy, as though he might laugh.
And then, after all that amazing fun, I killed both the cats and went to bed.
Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you first left. Your Dad read in the paper where most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address as the last family here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in, pulled the chain, and I haven't seen 'em since. It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days this time.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral, up she comes. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl or a boy, so I don't know if you are an Aunt or an Uncle.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. One was driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out when he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two didn't make it, they couldn't get the tailgate down.
Your auntie had all her teeth taken out and a new fireplace put in. Not much more news this time, write soon.
Love, Mom
P.S. Was going to send you money, but the envelope was already sealed.